The First Appointments

Around 5 1/2 weeks, I started having morning sickness. But I am still unsure why it is called morning sickness when I was sick ALL DAY long!!! I was constantly nauseous. I did a lot of gagging and dry heaving and thankfully minimal puking but it was still too much for me. I pretty much laid on the couch all day. We ended up quarantined due to close contact and I was honestly glad to be at home through some of the sickness as I couldn't function. I asked about medications and was told to take a vitamin B6 and Unisom combo. I took the vitamin B6 three times during the day and then took it again at night. (You cut the pills so it was a small percentage.)

Joys of morning sickness; or all day sickness

At 6 1/2 weeks, on November 18th we got to have our first ultrasound. The nurse came in, weighed me, etc. and then took my blood pressure. And then she took it again. I knew something was up but wasn't surprised. She asked me if my blood pressure was usually high and I told her no but that I was very nervous and panicked. She asked me what was going on. I told her I was terrified there was more than one. She told me we would get through it, to take a few deep breaths, and took my blood pressure again and it was better. Now don't get me wrong... I love twins but the pregnancy complications of my water breaking at 26 weeks, hospital bedrest for 5 weeks, and a NICU stay due to one of them coming out not breaking for 4 1/2 weeks is something I would rather avoid! Does it mean with one that I would avoid this again... no not necessarily but multiples definitely increases the chance for it to happen. We proceeded to the ultrasound and I am pleased to say there was only 1 baby!!! I seriously let out a sigh I didn't realize I was holding! The baby measured right on track and had a heartbeat of 124! We were very happy! 

November 18th- Our little peanut... and only 1!

Our gift from the infertility clinic!

 After trying the vitamin B6 and unison combo, I still got no relief. I dealt with it after awhile but I couldn't eat, was forcing myself to drink, and still was miserable. When I called in they asked about what I had done (trust me... I tried the peppermint, mints, ginger candies and gum, eating small meals, etc. and it didn't help) and she asked me if I took anything during my first pregnancy and I informed her I did take Zofran with the twins. But seriously... I do not remember being this sick with the twins!!! She prescribed it to me and I was thankful. I picked up my prescription and within 40 minutes of taking the first dose I felt relief and I was sooo glad. It didn't eliminate it completely but it was enough that I could function. I still had many moments of nausea, gagging, dry heaving, and even a few puking episodes but I could eat a little. I noticed I needed to eat every few hours or I would get nauseous. And of course the last thing you want to do when you feel that way is eat but it helped. I hated any and all meats and anything with spaghetti sauce but could handle pizza. And holy aversions to smells. I gagged every time I had to open our fridge... something in their smelled... not bad... just smelled! Of course no one else in my family could smell it! Lol Peanut butter was something else I could not stand. It truly was rough. The kids started saying I had covid symptoms and I was terrified they would tell others and then people would freak out. So we decided to tell them sooner than I would have liked. They were soooo excited and still are! We had them open a box with a balloon that said baby, they each got a shirt that said boys 1 and girls 1 and then their was a baby onesie that said tiebreaker coming July 2021, and a new baby book. It was awesome to experience it with them. Once we were done with quarantine (after Thanksgiving break) we all headed back to school. I was seriously unsure how I was going to make it through the workdays but I managed. There were some trips of running to the bathroom which were thankfully close to the classrooms I work in! But I made it through each day... some barely! :P The kids did not tell a single person for a whole week but I finally told them they could tell people at school and they wore their shirts. It was great to let them spill the beans! At this point all parents, grandparents, and siblings knew too! 

Shirts to tell the kids

November 26th- The kids were sooo excited to find out

At 11 1/2 weeks I started to feel some relief from the morning sickness and scaled back on taking the Zofran and then went to taking none at all. I still have an occasional smell that gets to me or gag but overall I think I have passed the stage of morning sickness. 

The exhaustion is real... I seriously was going to bed at like 6 P.M. most nights. But it was a toss up of sleep or be sick so I slept! I thankfully never woke up sick throughout the night! There are still somedays I struggle with the exhaustion but it is better. I am starting to feel more human again and I am thankful!

At 13 weeks, on January 4th, I had my first appointment with my OBGYN. I am seeing the same doctor as I did with the twins and I am super excited about that. Our appointments are an hour one way but in my opinion, it is worth it. This doctor was with me through everything my last pregnancy, knows my history, and has a NICU right there if we were to need it again. I met the nurse who weighed me in, took a urine sample, did my vitals, and got some information from me. And then I got to see the doctor. Now mind you, I had the twins 7 years ago to the day and haven't seen this doctor since. He remembered me, asked how the twins were, remembered what Paul's job was when we had the twins, remembered what my stepdad does, and remembered that he did my mom's surgery shortly after that twins were born! I don't feel like just a name with him... he remembers and cares. He did tell me some things about my pregnancy with the twins that I didn't know such as I had high blood sugar but yet passed the gestational diabetes test. He also informed me that the day I delivered, I had labored for awhile but no one believed me and not a single contraction was traced until I was being wheeled out for my C-section. But when the doctor finally came and checked me (the on call doctor as it was a weekend), her eyes got huge and I knew I was quite far dilated already. I learned that when I was checked, I was already 6 cm!!! I also knew I had to have progressed pretty far as I remember telling them and feeling the need to push as I was being wheeled out for my C-section! It was interesting to learn. With that being said, he said it is hard to determine if preterm labor or pprom came first for me. I did come in with a water break and no contractions so I think pprom came at 26 weeks and preterm labor came at 30 weeks 6 days when I delivered the kids. Either way, I had both. He said the question is now do we do something different with this pregnancy and if so, what? We have no idea what caused my pprom. It could have been many things. But because it has already happened to me, I have a mark against me for it to happen again. But that isn't to say it will! I could go full term with this baby. You just never know!!! We did decide that I would do my anatomy scan with the maternal fetal medicine doctor (high risk doctor) so that we can check out everything and see if he notices anything. I saw this doctor a few times with the twins and actually saw him 2 days before my water broke! There was nothing that was found during that ultrasound that indicated my water was going to break early. After all the discussion and planning, my doctor did a quick ultrasound in which I got to see the baby! It is growing right on track still. I got to hear the heartbeat this time and it was at 158 bpm. He printed off some pictures for us since Paul is not allowed to come to these appointments. We got a close up of the face and you can see the nose, eyes, and other facial features. I was a happy camper that all was still well! I did learn I have an anterior placenta which means the placenta is in front of the uterus. This is not a big deal at all except that I may not feel movements until later on compared to normal. I had to schedule all of my appointments up until deliver before I left. I am going every 4 weeks, then every 2 weeks, and then every week. We are scheduled right up through the beginning of July which was surreal to me. I may have even nervously laughed as last time, we did not schedule appointments like this and I didn't make it through 1/3 of my pregnancy!!! 

January 4th- 13 weeks

13 week baby!

We decided to do a Facebook announcement after this ultrasound and the response was overwhelming in a good way! We got a ton of comments, likes, messages, phone calls, and more! It truly was amazing!!! We are very blessed!!! 

Part of our announcement

October 2020 Last IUI Try

I had my thyroid checked again in early October and found out it was at 2.6 and was bummed. I called the nurse to let them know and received a call back. I was unable to answer as I was at work but checked the voicemail and it said to proceed taking the same meds for 90 days and we can test again after that or upon pregnancy. I was very confused because we were checking my levels so we could do our last IUI try. I was able to call back and talk to someone and she told me we were okay to proceed forward but I questioned her as my levels were 2.6 and needed to be at 2.5 or less and when they were at 2.56 we couldn’t proceed. She said she would double check for me but explained to me that they now knew I was negative for some other test which essentially meant my body was not attacking itself so therefore she thought we were okayed to proceed with my levels where they were at. And that same afternoon, October 5^th, I got my period. I tried calling them again as I never got a call back but it was after hours. I left a message and a nurse called me back. She was incredible with explaining things to me so I got it and listening to everything I had to say. She told me she guessed I would be okay to go but could double check in the morning when she got to the office. She said to plan to proceed and she would call me with the plan once she got into the office after 8 A.M. I received a call back and she asked me if I would be able to come in on October 8^th (Day 4) for my baseline ultrasound at 7:15 A.M.! I agreed and quickly put a plan in place to make this happen as it is a 3-hour drive one way! 

After school on October 7^th I ate supper with my family and then drove down and stayed at my in-laws. They were not home so the house was completely and empty and quiet. It was weird as that never happens. Paul stayed with the kids and got them up and to school the next morning by himself which he hasn’t had to do since they switched to MHLT but it went well. My ultrasound was quick and easy. They said everything looked great and that I would be scheduled to come in for my midcycle ultrasound on October 16^th (Day 12). I scheduled that for 10:30 A.M so I could still drop the kids off and pick them up at school as I have Fridays off so I wouldn’t need to miss any work! After the baseline ultrasound, the clinic put in orders through a mail order pharmacy for my HCG Trigger Shot and my Progesterone suppositories. Then I turned and burned and made it back to work at 10:25 A.M. 

October 7th- On my way to the infertility clinic to start the process for our last and final try

The rest of the week went well. I took letrozole at the lowest possible dose for 5 days starting on Day 4 and ending on Day 8. I definitely was moodier and more easily crabby! I was also quite tired. But otherwise I was fine. I did what I needed for the mail order pharmacy and they shipped the meds to me and they came on October 14^th. 

On October 16^th we woke up to snow! I was shocked. We got the kids to school and away we went. I asked Paul if he would want to come with and he agreed but was nervous we wouldn’t make it back in time to pick up the kids from school. I was not worried about that! I was thankful he came with for support and to drive even though he wasn’t not allowed to come in at all due to covid. On our way we saw 2 cars that had rollover accidents and marks where someone went into the ditch! It made me nervous but our travels were fine and we made it safely. 

October 16th- On our way to my appointment

I went to my appointment and got to see Dr. Whitmaak for the first time since I was there pregnant with the twins! He said let’s hope there are good follicles and I told him yes but not too many because I have had that problem in the past! 😊 He said my uterus looked amazing and everything looked great. I had no follicles on my right and 2 follicles on my left! I couldn’t have been happier to hear this! 2 is amazing and we can definitely work with that. I was relieved! One of them measured 32 and the other measured 35. Then we made the plan… I was to trigger shot that night at 9 P.M. and return for IUI on October 18^th (Day 14) at 9 A.M. The nurse came in and gave me a refresher on doing the trigger shot as it had been so long. She also drew a circle on me so we knew right where it went. I felt much better about everything. We made a plan for his parents to watch the kids Saturday afternoon until Sunday. This allowed me to go down to his parents on Saturday and stay the night and go to the appointment on Sunday morning. Unfortunately, Paul has to work on Sunday. Paul and I stopped in Wausau on the way to kill some time as we had extra time! We got the kids from school and told them they would be going to the cabin the next day and of course they were thrilled. We did not tell them anything about any of this as they don’t know how to keep it to themselves and this whole process is hard because it takes away the surprise element and telling people. The only people that know are Paul, his parents, and my good friend Jo. Saturday, we woke up to snow and more of this time! I was kind of nervous about so Paul took the kids to the cabin for me so that I could cut down my driving a little bit. I left around lunch time and stopped in Wausau. I go myself a diamond art kit of a heart to help pass some time at his parents. I have heard great things and wanted one and had a gift card so I did it. Then I got Texas Roadhouse to go but was disappointed. They forgot to give me my drink and I didn’t realize it in time. The loaded mashed potatoes were cold and the burgers and bun were hard and cold. They also did not give me any utensils! I made it to Paul’s parents and spent the evening working on my first diamond art. I loved it! It definitely is tedious though. I wasn’t hungry for supper so ate a few more rolls from Texas Roadhouse. I sat in a bath and then went to bed but it was hard to get solid sleep! 

Texas Roadhouse Rolls

My first ever diamond art

On Sunday, October 18^th (Day 14) I arrived through the main entrance of the hospital as the other entrance is closed on weekends. I knew were to go but got to the one and only elevator in the hospital that goes to the infertility clinic and it said it was out of order! I had no idea where to go from there so I went back to the main desk and informed her. She helped me get to the right stairs to get to the infertility clinic. But this made me even more anxious and nervous and I didn’t need that! I was taken back and all went very well. There was no struggle with the catheter and I had little to no uncomfortableness. The nurse told me I could lay there for 5-10 minutes or as long as I wanted. I had always laid for 20 minutes so decided that was going to be what I was going to do. Just as I was getting dressed she knocked and asked if I was okay and I informed her I was and had just finished getting dressed. As I walked out, I saw the doctor in his jacket and all ready to go! Oh well! I walked to my car, reclined my seat, and sat out in the parking lot for another 15ish minutes. Then I drove back home. I got home about 10 minutes before my in-laws pulled in with the kids! I tried to lay low the rest of the day.

October 18th- IUI Day!

Per orders, Paul and I had sex that night and the next night. The 2-week wait to wait and find out is the worst! Every little cramp, twinge, etc. sends your brain wondering! 

On October 24^th, I had some minor cramping and some pretty intensive but short lived tingling in my left boob. 

On October 26^th, I woke up and went to the bathroom and had some very minor pink spotting. That afternoon I had my progesterone labs done. I looked at the results online that evening and saw they were 3.2. With a quick google search, I quickly found out that this was NOT a good result. I was pretty disappointed but tried to tell myself to wait until the infertility clinic called the next day. I waited until around 10 A.M. and never received a call so I called them and informed them I had labs done and would like to talk to a nurse about them. They said they would leave a message. They called me back right around 2:00 P.M. and I was able to talk to them. The nurse stated that I ovulated but when I got my period would really explain a lot. I told her this was our last try. She then told me she knew that and she was very sorry. She stated that my labs were uncharacteristically low. I asked her about the progesterone suppositories I had already and she said at this point, it really wouldn’t even matter. I called Jo and started crying to her. I was absolutely devastated. I came home and cried to Paul. I sobbed so much and so hard I could not catch my breath. The way things looked, it was over for us. Jo continued to message me on and off and never lost hope. Unfortunately. I think the worst and that was no different with this situation. 

I thought our last chance was another failed attempt thanks to my lab results

Tuesday, October 27^th, the kids and I got in the car to head to school and Karley said to me “Mom remember when you laid the seat back when you tried to get a baby? Don’t you have 1 or 2 more tries?” I started crying and couldn’t help but tell the kids that we did our last try and it didn’t look like it was going to work. Bentley started crying with me and was very upset stating “I wanted a girl baby so we could name it Auntie Gloria and we could have another Auntie Gloria and Grandma Gracie could have another sister again.” It was so hard. But they were so loving and understanding. \

On Wednesday, October 28^th, I used the bathroom and again had a small amount of pink spotting. Throughout the week the kids were very sweet. Karley continuously put stickers on my belly. She never lost hope through all of it. 

My mom called me the evening of Thursday, October 29^th and I started crying to her and explained everything. She cried with me but it was a good talk. 

We were going to the cabin on the weekend and I was supposed to test on Sunday morning. The cabin has no running water or electricity so I would be testing in an outhouse via my phone flashlight… plus some of Paul’s family would be there. I decided, with Paul’s thoughts, to test Friday morning. So on October 30^th, I tested and waited. And then the digital clear blue pregnancy stated “pregnant!” To say I was shocked would be an understatement. I called Paul and told him and he was like wait… what?! I felt the same way. I messaged Jo and she was ecstatic. I asked if at this point it could be a false positive and she said no. I called the infertility clinic and let them know. They stated I tested early and were about as shocked as I was. I informed them why I tested early. The got orders for me to get labs done for my hcg and progesterone locally. I went and did them in the morning. On the way to the cabin, I had a full, uncomfortable feeling and some minor cramping. I stayed up that evening to see my results online. My HCG was 47 which meant I was for sure pregnant. My progesterone was at 19.9. I wasn’t sure what it should be at but I was very pleased to see it had risen so much. We enjoyed the weekend at the cabin. 

The very first pregnancy test I have ever taken that was positive!
(I never took one with the twins as we did a blood test instead!)

On Sunday, November 1^st, I attempted to take the 2^nd pregnancy test just because I had bought a pack of 2. But it errored out! Thankfully we already knew! 

Monday the infertility clinic with my lab results. They said that they want my progesterone to be at 15 and were pleased with my labs. They said my HCG looked good and asked me to repeat it that day. 

Monday, November 2^nd, I did my 2^nd labs for my HCG. That evening I got the results of 318 and I was pleased but panicked. We know for sure I am pregnant and things look good but with a large increase like that, I am afraid we will have multiples again. Now don’t get me wrong, I love the twins and would do multiples again in a heartbeat but the pregnancy wasn’t all that great. I can’t even imagine hospital bedrest now with 2 kids at home. Then add in covid and they wouldn’t even be allowed in the hospital so I wouldn’t get to see them! And then the NICU stay again and the rollercoaster of that. So if someone could promise me an almost full term pregnancy with no hospital bedrest and NICU stay, I would do multiples again but we all know that no one can promise that. So I am nervous! 

My mom called that evening and asked for the results of our pregnancy test and I told her. She almost didn’t believe me at first! We had a nice talk and she was happy. 

Since all our parents except for my dad knew, I called him on Tuesday, October 3^rd and let him know the news. He was very excited. 

Wednesday, October 4^th I went and my 3^rd labs for my HCG. They came back at 995 which is another large increase. But with each day that passed, I did get more excited and let myself enjoy it more. 

On Thursday October 5^th the infertility called and said my HCG numbers are increasing very nicely and look good. She said the next step was an ultrasound to check viability of the heartbeat and we would do a progesterone lab. I asked if Paul could come with as he hasn’t been allowed at an of our other appointments and she said yes; 1 healthy adult was allowed. I scheduled our 1^st ultrasound for Wednesday, November 18^th.

July 2020 IUI Update

Whelp… things happened and we put off using our last and final try. And then we decided to again and things happened and we put it off again. I feel like this last try has been hanging over us for a very long time! Just think… we bought this last try vial back in May 2013! And once I was ready to use it, Paul wasn’t so sure he wanted to anymore. He is pretty content with our 2 amazing children. They are growing up, becoming independent, and with them in school full time, Paul gets days to himself. After some long talks and thinking, we decided to proceed forward with the last and final trying knowing that whatever the outcome is, we are done. So, I did an online consultant with Dr. Whitmaak from Aurora Infertility in Green Bay where we got pregnant with the twins. He remembered us and was glad things were going well. We made a plan which was very similar to when we got pregnant with Karley and Bentley! I went and got my tests done and so did Paul. Everything came back fine except for my thyroid levels. They came back at 2.56 and they need to be at 2.5 or under for infertility purposes. I was extremely bummed. They told me they were going to increase my dosage and we could do the blood test again in a month. Unfortunately, that meant we would not be able to proceed with that cycle. The next month I had my levels checked and they came back at 3.68. I will admit… I was under a lot of stress which I know plays a factor. So, we decided to wait.

March 2018 IUI Update

I have taken the last months to focus on me. I have lost weight and feel good! Paul and I talked and with only 1 vial left, we are heading back to the infertility clinic in Green Bay where we got pregnant with Karley and Bentley. We had our consultation there and it went well. It truly was like a refresher as we know the process. The doctor wanted to kind of steer us to IVF but we won’t ever be going that route. He asked us, if this last one doesn’t work. I told him we would look into adoption. He then said that answered his question and we would proceed with an IUI. During my cycle next month I will have bloodwork and give a urine sample. Paul will also have bloodwork. Then the following month we will try for one last time to get pregnant. As we were on the way home I was doing the math and we will have a January due date if I get pregnant. I couldn’t help but laugh. Paul laughed too and said hey at this point, the next one may as well share my birthday too! Here’s to hoping the testing comes back good and we can proceed for the last try in April.

October 2017 IUI Try

Taking the month off was one of the best decisions I could have made! I felt relief and way less pressure. Because of life, we took another month off as well. We started to try again in October. I called to see if we could do a half of 25 mg of clomid cycle but they told me that wasn’t possible. The nurse asked me if we ever tried anything else besides clomid and I said no. She mentioned letrozole and we decided to try it. It essentially does the same thing as clomid but some people react differently to one over the other. She prescribed me the lowest dose of letrozole. Then we played the waiting game until I got my period which of course was a few days late! I called in on day 3 and they scheduled me for a follicular ultrasound on day 10. Usually they schedule me for day 12 and I was glad it was sooner this time! I took 2.5 mg of letrozole from days 3-7. I went in on day 10 for my follicular ultrasound and could see the screen the whole time which never happens. I had 14 follicles on my right side but they only measured 5. I had 15 follicles on my left side but they again only measured 5. It was by far the most painful ultrasound I have had! I had to wait to get the phone call from my doctor’s nurse to see how many of those follicles were truly mature. We were hoping for 3-4! The call came and the first thing the nurse said was “You have a lot of follicles again” and my heart just dropped. But then came the but…! She spoke with my doctor and I had 3 follicles measuring 12, 1 follicle measuring 13, and 1 follicle measuring 14. The goal for follicles for IUI is 16. Typically follicles grow 1 mm everyday. They said if we do the IUI in 2 days then 2 should be mature and the other 3 should not be ready yet. The IUI was scheduled for 2 days later, day 12, at 4:30 P.M. The nurse also asked me if I have ever had my estradiol levels checked which I never have. She told me she was going to ask about having them done and give me a call back. Minutes later she asked if I could go get my blood drawn today because if my levels were lower than 150 I would need to start a medication that day. I went and had my blood drawn. The twins had gymnastics that night and on the way Karley says “Mom, we have to think of a name for the baby.” I asked her what she thought we should name the baby and she replied “Gorgock.” I then asked Bentley and before he could answer Karley said “Rudolph!” Quite the names if you ask me! I had to trigger shot on day 11 at 4:30 A.M. Of course I didn’t sleep much that night and then again after the shot. I had a totally different feeling with everything this time. I was pumped and excited but of course a little nervous. I never received a phone call with my bloodwork results so I called them. They got a nurse to call me back and informed me that my estradiol levels came back at 99.2 and I needed to start the medication asap. I went and picked it up and took my first dose. I take them every 8 hours which meant, because of when I took the first one, I had to get up at 2:00 A.M. to take the other dose! Wednesday afternoon right before we left for my appointment I had some cramping going on which I am hoping and thinking was my eggs releasing! We then drove 80 minutes as a family and went through the procedure. My doctor informed me that everything went well and there was no bleeding! Usually he has a hard time with placement with me and that wasn’t the case this time. Paul and I were intimate too which we haven’t done any other time except for when I got pregnant with the twins. I have had some minor spotting, leaking, and cramping and am a little tired but otherwise I am doing fine. When I got up this morning Karley came in by me and asked “Mom, do you have a baby in your belly?” I told her I wasn’t sure yet. She then replied “Yeah… I think you do!” Then Karley went into Bentley’s room and was talking with him. All the sudden I hear Bentley praying “Dear God, thank you for giving mom a baby in her belly and letting dad go to the cabin.” Cue the tears!!! Karley even helped me take the clothes I had picked out off the hangers for me and was proud of herself for helping me! 3 days after the IUI, day 15, I woke up with cramping but it stopped after a little while. 4 days after IUI, day 16, I had some minor cramping too. I went with my neighbor, her friend, and her friend’s mom to a Bad Mom’s brunch. We met one of my daycare mommies their too. It was a blast! We had brunch, they had drinks, and we watched the movie while pigging out on popcorn. We were on the way home when one of the girls said “We should go to the mall!” So we headed to Wausau and did some shopping, had supper, and then came home. I was tired by the time we got home but it was so much fun and something we need to do more often. The Bad Moms Brunch made the news and so did we!!! J 6 days after IUI, day 18, I was seriously exhausted and had no reason to be! Getting dressed I bumped myself and realized my chest hurts! 7 days after IUI, day 19, my boobs feel heavier and fuller. I want this to happen so bad and am so hopeful this time that part of me wonders if these things are truly happening or not! That night I woke up in the middle of the night sweating. We are halfway through the 2 week wait! 8 days after the IUI, day 20, I am full of energy and feeling good. 9 days after the IUI, day 21, I have quite the headache but it was a crazy day with kids! I am ready for bed!!! 12 days after IUI, day 24, I woke up and ate. I then didn’t feel well and used the bathroom. I also have quite the headache. I had called to schedule my HCG level bloodwork but the orders weren’t in the computer. They told me they would just schedule it as soon as they saw the orders come in. I called my OB and they put them in. I called today, 11-13-17, just to make sure they scheduled it only to find out the local clinic doesn’t do it. They called the next closest clinic, 40 minutes, and told me they don’t do it either. The next option is 90 minutes away! I called the OB and they called back to find out they do the labs but need to send them out to get the results. So in just 2 days we will be driving 40 minutes for my HCG levels bloodwork to determine if I am pregnant or not! I am full of lots of different emotions. 13 days after IUI, day 25, I started feeling period like cramps in the evening. Early the next morning I was woken up from cramps. 14 days after IUI, day 26, I got Karley and I ready to leave for our bloodwork. I was a mess of stress which caused a fight between Paul and I right before we left. I cried majority of the 40 minute drive to the clinic. Karley went first and was a trooper again. It seriously brings tears to my eyes watching her get her blood taken as she doesn’t cry… heck she doesn’t even flinch! Then it was my turn. They informed me that the courier doesn’t come until 5 P.M. so I wouldn’t know my results until the next day. Hey I have waited 14 days to find out, why not wait another?! I honestly feel like it is going to be another negative but I truly hope I am wrong! I took Karley to Dunkin Donuts and we each got a donut and shared a non coffee drink. I tried calling the OB office before we left for our music class to get the results but all receptionists were busy. They called me as we were walking in to music class and I missed it. I stepped out to call them back and the nurse was with a patient so they would call me back. They called around 10:40 A.M. and the nurse said “So do you know?” and I told her I didn’t. She informed me it came back negative. I went into the bathroom to cry and freshen up as I had to go back to music class. My neighbor was there too and as soon as I walked in you could tell and she hugged me and I lost it again. I sat by the wall and cried but tried to pull myself together. Karley came and sat in my lap and hugged me. I was able to make it through the rest of the music class but it was tough. There was a brand new 2 week old baby there that Karley and Bentley were smitten with and a pregnant mom. Of course I am happy for them but it hurts…. I want that SOOOOO bad! I told Karley and Bentley on the way home that I didn’t have a baby in my belly. They of course asked me why and Bentley told me to try again. I had to text Paul to tell him as he is at the cabin with little to no service. Once he texted me back I cried again. I am upset, mad, scared, worried, angry, and so many more emotions. We have ONE more vial left of our donor. That means we can try only ONE more time. The rest of the day I was kind of numb. My neighbor came and took Karley and Bentley so I could have some time. I had one daycare kiddo left and his mom came and chatted with me for quite some time. She is an amazing lady who truly gets infertility!!! I went to my neighbors to find out she took my kids to Wal-Mart and let them put together a gift bag with items for me. I honestly was overwhelmed. Karley and Bentley have been through every step of this with us and to have her think about this, go out of her way, and include them was so meaningful. They were so excited to give it to me and tell me all about it and which things they picked out. I was able to call and actually talk with Paul and that helped me a ton. We are going to take a few months off, enjoy the holidays, and I am going to go back to focusing on me!

Gift I received

August 2017 IUI Try

My next cycle we went in on Day 11 for an ultrasound right before we were leaving for camping. We all got to go as a family! I received the phone call that afternoon that I had “1 really good mature follicle!” We were instructed to do the HCG trigger shot that night at 10:30 P.M. and to come in to the hospital that Sunday (2 days later) for the IUI. I needed this good news and was ecstatic. This meant our camping trip was going to be cut short as it was a 3 hour drive one way to get to the hospital and we would have to come home the next day so it wasn’t worth it. We tried to get as many things into our now shortened camping trip and it really was a blast. Sunday morning we got up at 5:30 A.M. to pack up our campsite and take down our tent. The twins did amazing which shocked me! We got to the hospital and waited. I was informed that the OB on call was someone new to them but not new to OB. Her nurse was amazing and asked if we wanted the kids in the room or if she could take them! I was shocked! We opted to have them in the room but not right in the direct way of being able to see what was going on. The IUI took place with minor issues of placement and I laid there for 30 minutes. Then the nurse took the kids to get stickers while I got dressed. We went out to eat at Red Robin, stopped at Fleet Farm, and then came home. I started the progesterone suppositories the next night. Over the past week I have been exhausted, craving peanut butter, chocolate, and straight up junk food, and have had a few emotional breakdowns over nothing! I tested 3 days early on day 11 after the IUI and day 13 after the HCG and it was a negative. It was quite tough for me as I really wasn’t expecting a negative this time and that is 4 months of failed tries. I got my period 2 days after I tested. I talked to Paul and we decided it wasn’t worth doing the same thing again another month to have another failed cycle so I called Aurora Infertility Clinic where we got pregnant with the twin on the first try and asked them for my time table. I am going to compare the time table with what we have done the last 4 months and see if there are any major differences to change. I received a text message 4 days after my negative pregnancy test from my soon to be sister-in-law informing me that her and my brother just found out they are expecting. Although I knew this was going to happen it still sucks. This is the same person that told me I would be pregnant before her just because she doesn’t get to see my brother. I am excited for them but I just feel like I am getting kicked while I am already down! I needed a break from all of this and am going to take this month off.

July 2017 IUI Try

The next cycle we went and had our ultrasound on Day 12 like normal. I got a call back relatively soon and was excited but was soon informed that the news was not good. I produced NO mature follicles. There was one that they said had a very low chance but could possibly become mature but it would take a good 4 days. This put our donor vial at risk of being non usable at all and I wasn’t playing the game with a huge maybe so we decided not to inseminate. This means once again we had a donor vial shipped and had to just ship it back which is a nice $600 for truly nothing. I felt defeated and frustrated. With the smallest amount of medication possible I produced way too many (double!) the amount of mature follicles we are looking for. Unmedicated I produced 2 and for some reason that cycle didn’t result in pregnancy. But now this cycle I produced nothing!!! I apologized to Paul because now I feel like I am adding to our issues. He told me not to apologize and that it isn’t my fault. I have always told him I can’t imagine how he feels going through all of this but now I am sort of getting a taste of it! All we could do was sit and wait until my next cycle!