This cycle we would try no medication and see what happened. This also meant I wouldn’t need the first baseline ultrasound! I called in on Day 1 and got my appointment for Day 10 to have my follicular internal ultrasound. Again, I called to have our tank shipped and pay the $300+. After the ultrasound I received the phone call that I had 2 mature follicles! I was glad to know I wasn’t a freak of science that naturally produced a ton of mature follicles! I was given a timeline to do the HCG trigger shot on Wednesday, June 21st and then insemination would be on Friday, June 23rd. I did the shot by myself with no issues. I honestly didn’t even feel it. Friday I made the drive to Wausau, WI by myself. It was nice to be by myself (Paul was working and the neighbor took the twins for me) but it also gave me a lot of time to think, worry, and wonder. Don’t get me wrong, I was super excited but the what ifs clouded my head. What if it didn’t work? What if it did work and I miscarried? What if it did work and I had an early water break again? What if it did work and I got pregnant with multiples again? I was full of emotions! When the nurse came out and called my name she had a look of understanding and asked me how I was. It is nice to have the understanding of others. The insemination occurred but it took a little bit as my OBGYN had issues placing the catheter. It was slightly painful because of this. Then I sat there for 30 minutes with pillows underneath me. Throughout the day I was texting Paul to keep him informed. During the 30 minutes I listened to Pandora and read my book on my kindle. Then I was released to come home. I adjusted my seat to be up and partially reclined and placed a rolled blanket underneath by legs. I stopped and grabbed lunch from Culver’s and then went and picked up the twins. I laid low the rest of the day and took a nap with the twins. That afternoon I was sitting outside on a blanket while the twins played. My neighbor and her children came over to play. Then our other neighbor came over. I felt awkward just sitting on the blanket and not really doing much but I knew I needed too! Both of the neighbors were informed of my appointment and what it was for. One of our neighbors has gone through almost the exact same thing we go through to get pregnant and the other has had multiple miscarriages. Although I don’t wish theses issues on anyone, it truly is nice to have people who get it! Then one of them mentioned having a campfire cookout and we all agreed it would be a great idea. Between all 3 of us families we gathered the needed items. But the neighbors made sure I didn’t do anything I shouldn’t be! It felt great to be cared for and watched out for as Paul was still at work! We had hotdogs, brats, and paninis over the fire. I cut up watermelon and brought out chips. It was really nice and truly exactly what I needed! Paul got home and joined us. Saturday morning I called the pharmacy as my OBGYN put in an order for progesterone vaginal suppositories. Every time I called to check on the status of my prescription I was informed it was being filled and I would be notified when it was. But I needed them THAT night so I called and spoke to someone right away in the morning. They informed me they didn’t have them and needed to order them and the earliest they could get them was Monday. I was stressing out! I called my OBGYN office and talked to the after hours nurse as they aren’t open on Saturday and was informed they don’t page out for prescriptions on the weekend. I called the pharmacy back and asked them if they could see if it was available elsewhere and they said they would call me back if they found any. Because of that last statement, I really wasn’t expecting a call back or them to even look for it for me. To my surprise they did and I am very grateful for that! But the nearest place they found was an hour away one way. I wasn’t happy about that but I needed them so I told them to fill it. The lady then asked me if I knew it costed $150+ and if I still wanted it filled. I understand that others don’t get the time sensitivity of these appointments and medications and the importance of them but it is stressful to not have the medications you need or to be asked if I still want them with the cost. YES! I NEED them! I had a pedicure appointment already scheduled for that day and I was so glad. I needed to just unwind and relax after the stressful morning I had trying to get my medication! The pedicure was very nice and felt amazing. Afterwards I went on my trip to get my medications. The lady commented about how I had quite the drive to get them and then told me next time to give the pharmacy more of a heads up. Ummm…. This was not something I had control of! They were sent in on Friday during my insemination and I needed them Saturday night! I went and got myself lunch and then came home and spent time with my family. Sunday we were all up and doing things. Paul was finishing building the lean to, the kids were outside playing, and I was getting ready and laminating things for the daycare children. My mom, my brother, his girlfriend, and our neighbor were coming over for lunch. Around 10:30 A.M. Paul let Kayce, our dog, inside and she ran upstairs by me. I heard her yelp and honestly thought her paw got hooked in our carpeted stairs but when I ran and looked she wasn’t there. It was a horrific sounding squeal coming from the bathroom. I went in there to find her laying on the bathroom rug having small convulsions. I held her and then she stopped and that was it. Paul came in asking what the noise was and I told him to come upstairs. Within the 30-45 seconds this all took place, she had passed away. I was honestly shocked and then became very angry. She was only 5 years old, had no issues at all, and was completely herself that day. We just lost my pet rabbit a month or 2 before and now our dog. We were devastated to say the least. The twins were able to see her one last time and say their goodbyes and then Paul took care of her. It was a day filled with tears and honestly the days to follow were. While my mom was here, Paul and I went grocery shopping by ourselves. Even though it was grocery shopping, it was nice to spend time together alone. Our house was really quiet without Kayce. I hated the jingle of the tags on her collar but boy did I miss them. I hated that she slept between my legs at night because every time I turned, I had to move her first but gosh I missed it. It just sucked! The following days the kids asked where she was hiding, if they could feed her, where her kennel went, and more. She was one of the best dogs ever and such a large part of our family. 5 days after the insemination I woke up to cramping in the middle of the night. The day was okay but it came back in the late afternoon. 10 days after the insemination I was irritable and cranky!!! I seriously was set off by the smallest things and had no patience. Unfortunately my family took the brunt of it and I felt horrible! I told my husband that if I am not pregnant, these medications are sure messing with me! The next day, 11 days after the insemination, I had some very very minor spotting and few small cramps. I am thinking this may have been implantation! Thursday, 13 days after the insemination and the day before I could test, I went to the bathroom and wiped to find some minor spotting. Later that afternoon the same thing happened but it was bright red and not just minor spotting. I had cramps too. Knowing I was due to get my period the next, I was pretty sure I was starting it. To say I was bummed would be an understatement. Karley and Bentley were a first time success. We have never had an unsuccessful round. The next morning I tested even though the bleeding and cramps continued and I was pretty sure I knew what the results would be. It was true… the first pregnancy tests I have taken read negative. It absolutely sucks to have gone through this whole cycle, waited 2 weeks, and have this happen. I was full of emotions but overall I was sad and angry. There are so many people who can have success with little to no effort, there are so many people who don’t take care of their children who can get pregnant constantly, and then there is us…. no possible way of naturally conceiving. I played phone tag with my doctor’s office. When I got to talk to the nurse she asked me what I would like to do and I told her I would like to proceed this cycle just like we did last time. There is nothing saying that this last cycle shouldn’t have worked. So she agreed and we made my follicular ultrasound appointment for July 17th. Throughout all of this Paul was at work. Although we both kind of knew the night before, the negative pregnancy test solidified it all. When he got home we hugged each other in the kitchen and I sobbed! The next day was a little rough too but I had a long day of traveling with the kids for a family get together so I didn’t have much time to be down and out about it. The day after I was better yet and realizing there was nothing I did to cause this and nothing more I could have done. When it’s time, it will happen! Of course some days were worse than others in dealing with these but that is to be expected. This is a very big emotional and mental journey!
No comments:
Post a Comment